Today ends the month of September and tomorrow a new month begins. For me this is exciting because I always love it when the seasons change. My two most favorite seasons are Spring and Autumn. Both are more temperate seasons. The fall exits the heat and excitement of summer, and makes us all want to be warm and cozy in sweaters. The spring asks the cold winter to pass and the days start to warm. In spring there is new life and it's exciting to see all the colors. Now that I think about it, fall is pretty colorful too. Besides, I love pumpkin treats of all sorts! Two of my children have birthdays and they like the festivities for Halloween that I don't get into. Oh, I loved the candy of Halloween as a child for sure! I never was the haunted house - get scared sort. I would have always passed. I don't like to dress up my home in scariness either. It can be cutesy decorations but nothing gory and scary. More power to those of you that do!
As a matter of fact, my oldest daughter asked me about if she could go with a friend to Fright Dome, I think it's called. I told her that she was old enough to make that decision on her own since she is in high school. I told her she didn't seem to have my don't-scare-me gene. So she is old enough to decide if she likes those things or not. Either way, I hope she and her friend have a blast!
As I go through this journey of life, in trying to be my best self, I find myself picking away at similar interests and goals over and over. In the past I would have an idea and I'd go forward until it seemed undo-able or more work than I expected to have. Sometimes the timing didn't seem as right as I had thought. Other times I didn't feel qualified though I wished deep down inside that I could do that. I would look at others in envy and wondered why they got certain opportunities. As time passed I realized that I had every chance as another. I wasn't an odd person out.
When I was twelve years old I started to adopt a friend's interest. This friend was into horses and so I became interested too. I thought, "Why not! Horses are beautiful animals, and they are all around us." So I started to listen and learn and I began to read. We would talk about what ranch we wanted and what horses were our favorites. I started to want to horseback ride and talked my parents into letting me find some jobs to earn money. I would watch my friend take care of horses and set out to do the same. Between that and babysitting I made a good penny! With that money I would pay for horseback riding lessons. It was an English woman that would instruct us with a mouth as foul as a construction worker! Man, I couldn't believe my ears! Yet she was fun and knew her stuff. She loved the horses and the kids. If I couldn't pay for a lesson we'd work it off with horse care. Other than the value of hard work, horseback riding taught me something that has benefited me throughout life. That lesson is, "If you fall off the horse, get back on." This is like the title of this entry, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again."
You see, when you fall off a horse and don't get back on the horse thinks that it has won and that it is the boss. So you need to get back on so that the human remains dominant and teaches the horse that we are the bigger horse and are to be minded. Sometimes I hurt when I fell. I would have to gather myself, breathe, grab the reins and jump back on. Most of the time it wasn't a problem. I think only once there was a fall so hard it knocked the wind out of me and I could've cared less if I taught that horse a lesson. I think I just walked it back to the barn after that.
I am making a lot of changes. Some are bigger than others but the fact that I am going at them all at once makes me feel like it is one huge battle. Not only am I going to do some changing for me but the family gets some of it. I am changing my eating and at dinnertime I don't want to make two meals so I make my food for everyone. Needlesstosay, not everyone likes it. The foods are a bit different and so good for you! I am more open because I want the change and the health that naturally stems from it. At times it is exasperating to hear the moans and groans, but I have to allow for it. Some days I do real great with everything and other days I am just glad I made it through. Knowing the progress I've made and how good it must be to get to the next round helps to keep me going.
I am the only one that has lived my life. Times, like many, I have wondered why certain things were but the older I get I realize that there's no use in it. It is what it is and I can realize that I am who I am because of those things. The current challenges will only bless me and my family.
Since I have written last, not only have my goals been about my spirituality and my health, but I have talked to the CSN counselor about becoming an RD (Registered Dietitian) so I can help others use the best foods for them to be well and live life to the fullest. I have also begun a job search for a part-time job. So there is a lot going on in my life. I don't plan on quitting. I will just have to do my best to plan each day and climb back on the horse when I fall off.
I am grateful that we can try again each day. I am grateful that we learn from our experiences. May we all press on in our endeavors.
Onward & Upward, my friend!
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